This week didn’t go so well in terms of workouts. I got to the gym to start the C25K program on Tuesday, but a stupid snowstorm sort of derailed my plans for the rest of the week. My husband plows, so he’s not home to stay with the girls, not that I would have wanted to go out anyway. Then we had Norah’s baptism last night and that took up the bulk of my weekend. My plan is to go tomorrow night, though, so I’ll start back on Day 1 of C25K and take it from there.
The positive thing is that the C25K didn’t suck. I don’t really love working out, but I didn’t hate this workout either. Its good to feel motivated. I’m even more motivated by some weddings we have this summer. I’d like to wear a dress and NOT feel like a fat cow. The first one is May 28th. Coming quickly!
Also, watch for a set of measurements from me tomorrow. I got a new scale so I plan to weigh myself, plus take upper arm, thigh and waist measurments and post them. I’m scared to do this. I think it goes against every woman code to keep your weight a secret that is out there. But its time to own up, and it will make me even prouder when I can post that those numbers are going down, so I’m going to do it!
Really, I can’t. My weight and fitness has always been incredibly private to me. Its been private because I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed of how much I weigh. Of the size I wear. Of how out of breath I get when I walk up the stairs. Of how tired I am all the time. Of how often I cry when I look at myself in the mirror.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying these things to make anyone feel bad for me. Its the truth, plain and simple, but most of all, its the truth that I’ve created for myself. I cannot blame anyone else. No one made me this fat, I did that on my own. But now I need to DO something about it. I need change. I need accountibility. Most of all, I need support.
Which brings me to why I’m putting this out there on the interwebs, for everyone to see. If I can even get one person to check on me every week, or to wonder why I’m not posting about my workouts or my eating, it will be good. I don’t even care if you make me feel bad or ashamed. I NEED that, people. I need to feel bad about the way I’ve been treating my body, and the example I am setting for my two precious girls.
So this year, I’ve set some goals for myself. I want to lose weight. I want to get fit. I’ve decided I want to run a 5K sometime this summer. To do this, I’m putting myself out there. Once I get my new scale, I will (GULP) post my weight here. I’ll post my workouts and my weightloss. I’ll post about how hard it is, how much I hate it and how much it sucks. I’ll probably post about how much I miss cookies and cake. Maybe I’ll even post about how much I love it (eventually). I’m not holding my breath for that, though.
